The Homecoming Queen's Got a Gun
Hooooo - It was homecoming night at my high school Hooooo - Everyone was there, it was totally cool Hooooo - I was real excited, I almost wet my jeans Hooooo - 'Cause my best friend Debbie was homecoming queen She looked so pretty in pink chiffon, chiffon Riding the float with her tiara on, tiara on Holding this humongous bouquet in her hand, bouquet She looked straight out of Disneyland You know, like the Cinderella ride, I mean definitely an E ticket, E ticket The crowd was cheering, everyone was stoked, was stoked I mean it was like the whole school was totally coked or something The band was playing Evergreen And all of a sudden somebody screamed Look out! The homecoming queen's got a gun! {Refrain} Everybody run, the homecoming queen's got a gun Everybody run, the homecoming queen has got a gun Debbie's smiling and waving her gun Picking off cheerleaders one by one Oh Buffie's pompom just blew to bits Oh no, Mitzie's head just did the splits God, my best friend's on a shooting spree Stop it, Debbie, you're embarrassing me How could you do what you just did Are you having a really bad period {Refrain} Stop Debbie, you're making a mess Powder burns all over your dress An hour later the cops arrived By then the entire glee club had died, no big loss You wouldn't believe what they brought to stop her Tear gas, machine guns, even a chopper "Throw down your gun and tiara and come out of the float" Debbie didn't listen to what the cop said She aimed and fired and now the math teacher's dead Oh it's really sad but kind of a relief I mean, we had this big test coming up next week {Refrain} Debbie's really having a blast She's wasting half of the class The cops fired a warning shot that blew her off the float I tried to scream "duck" but it stuck in my throat She hit the ground and did a flip, it was real acrobatic But I was crying so hard I couldn't work my Instamatic I ran down to Debbie, I had to find out What made her do it, why'd she freak out I saw the bullet had got her right in the ear I knew then the end was near
So I ran down and I said, in her good ear, "Debbie, why'd you do it?" She raised her head, smiled, and said "I - I did it for Johnny." Johnny? Well like who's Johnny? Answer me, Debbie, who's Johnny? Does anybody here know Johnny? Are you Johnny? There was one guy named Johnny but he was a total geek, he always had food in his braces. Answer me, Debbie, who's Johnny? Oh God this is like that movie Citizen Kane you know where you later find out Rosebud was a sled? But we'll never know who Johnny was because like she's dead.
(Refrain)
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